I will close this issue enot before sharing what is the problem:
Seems that WP-Mail-SMTP is redeclaring wp_mail , this prevent for some reason the html defautl template being sent to the user , just the text is send so looking around i foud this threat https://wordpress.org/support/topic/html-email-doesnt-not-work-with-buddypress
the solution is there but if you want to save time here is the code
/**
* Provide an HTML template for all your BuddyPress emails
* BuddyPress 2.5 introduced a new stylised HTML email system.
* By default the HTML system doesn't work if a 3rd party transactional email plugin is active
* (e.g. wpMandrill or SendGrid), and reverts to sending plain text emails.
*
* This function allows the stylised BuddyPress HTML emails to be sent using some 3rd party plugin.
* It does this by sending the email through wp_mail() rather than directly with PHPMailer.
*
* @author Mecanographik
*
* inspiration :
* @link https://github.com/21applications/bp-wpmandrill
*
*/
add_action( 'init', 'my_prefix_bp_wp_mail_html_filters' );
function my_prefix_bp_wp_mail_html_filters() {
add_filter( 'bp_email_use_wp_mail', function( $bool ) {
return false;
}, 10, 1 );
}
i hope this helps to future users